Johnson's baby shampoo has toxins...?

OK I am just flabbergasted...J&J has been making baby shampoo and washes for years and only now we find out that it contains traces of two potentially cancer-causing chemicals: dioxane and quaternium-15 (the latter of which releases formaldehyde).

I am bewildered on how it has stayed approved by the FDA and other authorities...my guess is that there are trivial amounts, but still, a young baby needs to be protected.

Here's the full article I found, check it out, at your 'leisure' :


Keep getting kicked...

I think, in life, everyone goes through stuff, and, well, right now, it's our time.

We keep getting kicked in the face, as a collective family-- my husband, son, and I. Granted it could be much, much worse, but still, it sucks.

Right now, the latest and greatest (outside of my husband's not-so-good work situation), is the problems we keep having with this money pit of a house.

Moisture, potential for mold, exists...but the big, big problem-- our foundation seems to be shifting, cracking, and breaking away from the house, in some cases.

Then we're losing our backyard down a hill due to the erosion and grading of our property.

Add in the incessant flux of spiders and ant parties, and throw some fuel onto the fire with a dirty and unaligned HVAC, and there you have just one week in the life of our family.

I'm down, I'm down...I surrender...don't you see me waving my white flag.

"All right, move on, the show is over," is what I would love to say, but I don't know enough to proclaim it in a voice louder than a whisper for the fear of even more vehmenent repercussions.


Bert & Ernie; Sesame Street

So, I haven't written in awhile-- life has been crazy.

Today my husband sent me a really weird, yet relevant, article on Sesame Street.  I've suddenly become very enthused with the show because 1) my son watches and finally drinks down his whole bottle (this has been a struggle for us since about 9.5 months) and 2) it's so much better than Mickey Mouse Clubhouse (not truly DUMB characters, sorry Minnie and Daisy).

They want Bert and Ernie to tie the knot. 

I understand why it's garnering media attention, but really?...is it worth it? To me it's just a little ridiculous.  There's so many other items that Fox can report on, why this?

Ugh...how about they discuss and inform us more on the plummeting stock market? 

AP photo

Now this is NEWS ;-)


Bugs in my plant

The plant that my husband and son bought me for my birthday has bugs.  The bugs came from an infested basil plant my parents gave me.  I am so sad.  I have had it in the garage without water since Monday. 

Tonight, I will water it with a hydrogen peroxide/water mix, in the hopes of killing all eggs and larvar in the first 2 inches of the soil.  I hope to move my baby plant (Calla Lilies) back in the house tomorrow morning. 

It is so sad.   I had to move it out, though, before it infested the other plants, and I was already finding the little boogers just wandering the airwaves in the house.  Ugh.  I felt dirty from them, and they were super annoying.

The break in the heat is over-- we'll be back in the hundreds tomorrow.  It was a nice stretch of about 5 days with humidity, but not extreme humidity.  I've learned beggers can't be choosy in the NC summers.


Finally a first birthday party theme

It took me long enough to work through my creative juices to find the perfect theme for our little boy's first birthday...not that he would care because he has no idea that his birthday is coming up, nor does he understand the significance of it...but still...

My idea was finally not vetoed by Dad, which is good.  Most stuff I came up with, he believed, was too girlie,  but last night I think we came to a middle ground when I explained how, at one, our son is still in his cutesy phase in life where his first birthday party today is more of a party for us to celebrate him rather than a chance for him to bask in the sun.

My first idea was Sports, but everything is sports.  His clothes, his room, some toys...then I thought Mickey Mouse.  He loved it, but I've stopped having Mickey around (he gets on my nerves).  Then I thought Elmo.  Nah, too newly introduced.  Then a rainbow theme, with the coolest cake EVER, but it was thought to be to Bert and Ernie. 

I tried Care Bears, and puppies, and now we're finally at the final destination:  teddy bears or as my husband would rather me say a "bear" party ;-)! 

I can't wait to have this party.  I am working on ideas now :-)...

The Best Books to Read with Your Kids


A true love story never ends

This is sappy, but since I have been with my husband and then we birthed our little boy, I realize each day what it really means to love someone.

Love is not just something that happens overnight.  You fall in love, but you don't truly become immersed in love until you know the ins and outs of that person.  In True Love you can take that person and love them no matter what, in all their glory and through the depths of despair.

True Love is to see what is not seen in darkness, and to hold on to that in the sunshine.

True Love is strong and binding, it brings happiness, it is forgiving, it is genuine, and it is always present.

True Love doesn't end; it grows each day, week, month, and year...True Love has no boundaries.  There is never too much True Love; this sort of Love you can hold, have, or give to another always.

True Love is earned, it is not just given for the sake of show.

If you put together building blocks, a strong and sturdy foundation can eventually give you True Love.

True Love cannot end, but Love can die...

Love dies when there is selfishness, when there are agendas, when there is doubt, when there is fear, when there is disrespect, when there is cheating, where there are lies, where there is deception...if any of these items happen, the giver of love will question whether or not Love was ever there.

In all cases Love is a gamble, but it is a risk worth taking. 

True Love happens few times in life, but when you find it-- hold on to it tightly, and know that the one you truly love will also be holding on to the feeling just as tightly as you are holding on to it.

And that, my friends, is the beauty of True Love...it is reciprocated with like might.


Infomercials in the wee morning hours

I think I figured out how some products continue to flourish, even though they're crap, and why other 'good' products just don't make it.

Enter:  postpartum mommy

When your baby is up every 1.5 to 2 hours to feed, is it really worth it to go back to sleep? 

Not really. 

So what can you do but stay up and get interested in something on TV...and let's be realistic, at 3 AM is there any quality programming really on the boob tube?


Enter:  newbie products by unknown companies

Their goal:  to get the sleep-deprived, harried/disheleved/pajama-ridden new mom to look forward to something wonderful, e.g., clear skin; shiny, healthy hair; perky boobs; an awesome food processor; a new fangled blanket; etc.  I am sure you get the point.

Postpartum moms are prey to entrepreneurs. 

At 4 AM one morning I almost bought some product called "Wen."  All these famous people use(d) it, why shouldn't I?  And they were all Moms?

My mistake.  To this day I am still getting solicitation emails that I should try out Wen.  I never purchased it, but I must have sought information about it at 4:30 AM.  What was I thinking?

Oh, that's right, I wasn't. 

It was my connection, at that point in time, with the outside world.  It made me feel like I would someday feel human again, if I buy this, and that I would look prettier.

I bought into the hype, but I fortunately didn't buy into the product.  Maybe a few more infomercials and I would have, but fortunately baby started sleeping better or Mommy found better programming through DVR.  Either way it was a God-send, or else I would have had many, many conversations with my husband on how I was spending money.

Wen Hair Care System (what I almost bought)
Daily News:
How toddlers only learn from experience when they turn 16 months old


An idea I laughed at might have merit

Our little guy was having trouble sleeping, so, as a result, my husband and I were NOT sleeping.

It was a rough time from early April to now, July.  Recently, we've had 3 good nights of sleep, and as I am writing this, I hope I am not jinxing sleep forevermore.  Ugh, if I am.

I don't know about you all, but I have found that the more sleep I get, the more I want.  Waking up in the morning has been hard since little man slept three nights in a row.  All in all, sleep is nice.

My husband had a theory, which I had heard worked for some others, but I didn't think it would work with our little boy. 

But, I digress, on Sunday night, we put the theory to the test.  We put one of my worn sleep t-shirts in little man's crib.  I don't know why, but he when sees it in his crib, every time, without fail, he crawls over to it, even if it's on the opposite side of the crib, lays his head down on it, and starts sucking his fingers.  It's amazing.

I question whether it is actually my scent (the 'theory') or that it is a piece of material that is not supposed to be in his crib, so he is attracted to it. 

(BTW, now that I am thinking, just last week we did have what experts call a 'lovey' in his crib, and he didn't pay much, if any, attention to it.  Hmmmm....)

Of course, now the scientist in me will do an experient with his next nap; I am going to put an unworn t-shirt of mine in his crib and then report back what happens.

If it is actually my scent on the t-shirt that is making him sleep and feel comforted and safe, all I can then say is "aaawww, that's so awesome..." and I will happily tell my husband he was/is right.

Daily News: 


Our little friends are growing up

Well, it's official-- the gang that my little son 'hangs out' with are all growing up, and so fast.

I won't give names, but our first little guy turned 1 in June.  Such a cutie with a sweet Momma too.  His little smile is contagious, and he is on the go and consistently impressing me with how he moves so quickly.  His Mommy was one of the first Mommies from the playgroup to really reach out to me, and take me in with open arms.  I can never forget her kindness then, and her continued support today. 

Another buddy to our little guy turned 1 on July 1st.  He and our guy constantly talk to one another, and my guy has learned a lot from him.  It is so cute to watch them gab back-n-forth in only a language they understand.  His Momma just had her second little one too.  Another little boy who is so adorable.  Oh, how she handles a newborn and her new toddler is amazing.  Her love and patience is always apparent, and she has a willingness to do anything for others is omnipresent too. 

Now the twins are turning 1 today!  They are a month older than little man, and their Momma is such an awesome chick.  She is sweet and patient, and has so much energy.  I have admired her since the minute we met, and she just keeps me in awe at everything she does.  Her little girl and little boy are absolutely precious, especially with the endearing and adoring looks they always direct at their Mommy.  Happy First Birthday to you both (and Mommy too--good job Momma!)

Later this month we have another close friend to turning 1.  Together, they have started to play with stroller wheels and stuffed toys.  They are so cute when they are sitting beside one another, as my little guy likes to put his hand on the back of her high chair.  Her Momma is sweet, patient, and kind, willing to help out in a crunch, and so perfectly laid back to just the right degree, not too much, not too little.  (Note, this is a trait I would so like to acquire--she just knows how to roll with the punches, but still cares so much too...the balance is priceless; maybe one day I will be able to achieve it.)

Next month my little guy will turn 1.  It is an exciting and sad event at the same time.  He is growing up so quickly.  It is hard to believe that at this time last year he was still in utero.  If I look back at the past year, it was/is both a long and short year. 

All in all, the rewards of having a beautiful baby outshines all the trying times a parent goes through in the process.  Honestly, I can say for the first time since he was born that, in time, we will have another little one...when, we don't know, but it will eventually happen...eventually...
So, all that is left to say is:

We love you all, and are so blessed and happy to have you ALL in our lives.


News for the day "Bed Sharing with Toddler, No Harm, No Benefit for Kids over One"


An antiquated view on life?

I am going to go with 'yes' due to recent experiences.

Let's just say I had a humdinger of a week with people interaction.  

I am losing my faith in human nature.

I was taught to follow the 'golden rule,' i.e., "treat others as you would like to be treated."

My question is:  when does that end? 

Do you perpetually get squashed and hope that the person turns around, or do you change your mentality and just say screw it?

I don't want to be unfair to others-- and unless they give me a big reason to be a certain way, I often sit and stew, eventually get over it, and try to move on. 

Lately, though, I am having a very hard time with the moving on part of life.  Namely because the interaction usually is directed at my husband or son.

Of the three instances, one interaction involved a person that is 'supposed' to be very close to me; I've given up on this person and do not even want to try to salvage a relationship.  (It is this person's terms  or nothing, and if they don't get their way, they pout in excess.  [Note, it is not a child!]

Second was a fellow mother, and third was an individual I thought was a friend, but I now realize I am just convenient for their utilization.

All in all, that sums up my week, and kind of sums up my life right now-- you can understand why I am depressed with people and life. 

I try real hard to be amiable, but my view on human nature is slowly deteriorating into oblivion.

Maybe I've let other people, for too long, determine how I was going to live my life.  Maybe it's time to put Voltaire's idea to work.  Maybe he was correct when he said that "each player must accept the cards life deals him or her, but once they are in hand, he or she alone must decide how to play the cards in order to win the game."

I never wanted to work with the cards, I just wanted to live by the golden rule, treating others the way I wanted to be treated; however, it seems Voltaire was correct.  When people treat me badly, and I just accept and internalize it, but I do nothing but complain to my poor husband.  I need to do something to improve the future of my interactions with them; when I do nothing I am feeding a future of increased negative interactions. 

In essence, I guess what I have to learn to do is to adapt and adjust to each hand, each day, and interaction, correspondingly.  It's going to take work, but it seems like everything in life is work.  If I don't stand up for me, my husband will, but what will that accomplish in the moment, right?


Oh my-- it's 80-what?! outside

I can't believe the forecast.  Yes, I am wasting a blog on the weather.  It has been absolutely disgusting here, and FINALLY we have some relief. 

After driving in the car, my son's face, legs, and arms will not turn red (and please know that no matter how long I run the AC before he gets in, it never cools down to the point where it's totally cool--even in the front seat, which really makes me worry about him in the backseat with his super tall, backward-facing seat).  Today, I will not be as worried about him having some heat-related illness, but, of course it's my nature to still worry about him (afterall he is my baby).

Our local weather people (yes, there are called meteorologists) claimed there would be a cool down by today (Thursday), but I didn't believe it.  Why would I?  I have been sweating my proverbial butt off since, well, I don't know when... (BTW, yes, it's still the same size, i.e., heat did NOT shrink it.)

My husband brought our the trash this morning and claimed it was cooler, but I thought, "Oh, it's still 7 AM"-- even though the past two weeks at 7 AM it was horrid outside. (Yes, 'horrid' is a little dramatic to describe the heat, I am aware of this.)

I am going to Downtown today to the Market, and I am so happy that my baby and I will not be sweating and sweltering. 

I won't let it get to me-- I can't have this expectation that it will be like this for long, but I am soooo going to enjoy the cool day of 88 degrees (Farhenheit).

Oh, and it's Peach Day at the Market.  Now, I am not a fan of fresh or canned peaches, but I am a fan of all things peach, if that makes sense.  (Yes, it is strange, but isn't that already obvious that I have that great flaw to my character ;-)!)

I will not be buying peaches, but I will be buying fresh fruit, cucumbers, tomatoes, onions, and maybe some zucchini, although, the last time, I didn't use that product in time.   I hope there are so good sales on raspberries, blackberries, and, I wonder, is it still blueberry season?


A random second post

In just, we'll say, the last 20 months, can you believe the items they have come out with for pregnant Moms...now they have lime margarita flavored drink mixes (from Crystal Lite and Target brands) and Gummi PreNatal vitamins, which include DHA...I mean, REALLY!?...That is sooo freaking awesome.

BTW, I also found out today that there are sugar free Twizzlers available for the masses, but, then again, how good can sugar free Twizzlers be?  Can they still make your mouth happy? (R)

Again --REALLY!?!?

I am just dying to see what else they come up with before my potential to have baby #2 is at the door...and since that's a long ways away, they have some time-- but I really want to have some awesome breakthroughs...

Sitting here jealous of pregnant Momma products, but not jealous enough to have another baby..., if that even makes sense...?

Not too much to say today

It has been incredibly gross in NC since mid-May.  The summer season is getting longer and longer, and so much more intolerable.  I've never been a fan of summer though, so I am probably biased.

My son and I ran to the store, and when we got into the store he was beet red.  It was disconcerting, to be frank, and then he started crying.  I was a little alarmed, but it turned out he was crying from aloud noise he heard.  Still he was just so red.

When we went back to the car, we spent 10 minutes sitting together in the passenger's front seat just to make sure the car was semi-cool enough for him in the back. The back seat, with his new carseat now installed, takes even longer to get cool because 1) it is rear-facing and 2) it has a high back to the seat.

Little man is now sleeping upstairs, and I am beat from the heat.  I swear, I think every year it gets hotter and hotter, and all the more humid.  Yuck!  You can't get humidity off your face like you can the heat from a dry day.  I am hoping for some relief and for the dew points to drop...rain?  Haha, I wish...


Peaches and Cream Barbie

A fond memory for me was a trip to Toys R Us with my Uncle G. My family didn't really go to Toys R Us all that much because it was way too expensive.  My parents knew that bringing my sister and I to toy mecca was not a good idea if they didn't want to spend the $$ on toys...and my parents didn't really see much use for us having a lot of toys, so we didn't go there very much.

Regardless, my Uncle G took the three of us, my cousin, sister, and me, to Toys R Us with the intention of buying my cousin a toy.  Unfortunately, though, the poor guy got suckered into the wide-eye wonder of three kids, and ended up forking out a pretty penny for a toy for each of us.

For me, all I can say is "How COOL was that?" 
And I still think the same 80's answer:  "Totally"

I got my second Barbie that day.  I still have her in her little Barbie world wardrobe case.  I can honestly say she is still one of my favorite Barbies; her name:  Peaches and Cream.  She wore an awesome peach chiffon gown with spaghetti straps and a glittery, white rhinestoney-looking top.  Her blond hair flowed, and her long peach boa was soooo pretty.  I wanted my Prom dress to look like Peaches and Cream's dress. 

Sidebar:  Yes, I was thinking of my Prom at 5 years old [1984], and little did I know how sadly disappointed I would be when I went to Prom in 1997.

I never forgot my Toys R Us experience. 

Then, just the other day I got a Hallmark circular for "Christmas in July"...and there she was "Peaches and Cream" as a Hallmark ornament.  Yay!  A good 80's memory. 

For the past couple of days I have been thinking I need to send an email to Uncle G to tell him all about Peaches and Cream, but I doubt that experience will be etched in his memory.  He probably made a lot of trips to Toys R Us.

There are days, like the day I received that circular, where a good memory comes into my mind like a strong tide...and the recession of the wave leaves me with a warm, fuzzy feeling that motivates me through the day.

I hope to give my son memories like that one day.

And I'd like to thank my Uncle G for giving me that memory.

Here she is, the one and only:


Mr. Toaster, RIP

My toaster pooped on me this week.

I didn't realize how much I needed that toaster <sniff, sniff>.

I now have a whole loaf of $2.99 Double Fiber Nature's Own bread, expiration 7/11/11, sitting on my pantry shelf patiently waiting to be gobbled up in the next few days.

Our son can't have his bread toasted, Mommy can't have her bagel, muffin, or bread toasted...and Eggo waffles, haha...Eggo-land is laughing their proverbial butts off right now.

On this past Saturday Sir Waffle Iron met Mr. Trash can.  Sir Waffle did not, though, cooperate making my food the way Mr. Toaster crunched up my bread, bagel, or Eggo.

It was a sad week for electrical appliances.  If my Little Miss Coffee Perker craps out on me tomorrow, I would probably sleep the day away, if my son believed in Mommy-sleep.

I am going to replace Mr. Toaster tomorrow.  May we find another reliable friend soon.


And now I understand

I keep thinking how awesome things were way back when--when a I was 'little.'

Now I am old, and life is really not about games, but more about how we play the game.  There are consequences for all our actions.

Granted, back when I was 'little' -- there were consequences, but now one misstep is way more severe and leads to numerous repercussions.

I never saw how complicated life was for adults when I was 'little'; my parents and all the other cool grown-ups made it look like they had seamless tasks, priorities, and lives.  I was so jealous when they went out to dinner without us kids on a Saturday night (which was not often at all, but really...why leave the cute kids?!)

When I was maybe 10 years old I saw all my father and mother did for the family.  But, still, I rarely appreciated what they did do because I felt like it didn't affect me, and because I didn't have to do it, it couldn't be that important, right?  And so, I went on my merry childish way. 

Often, as a child, I would be annoyed when I had to do chores...now I see how much those few chores helped out the whole household.  It eliminated one thing from my mother or father's to do list, which I now know is very extensive.  Home ownership and children are not easy ventures.

Both of my parents didn't have much time to relax and enjoy life, instead they were living it and working it.

As a child I would laugh when my parents would get tired at the prime hour of 8 PM.  How can they be tired when the good shows were just coming on TV?  Or the baseball game that my dad waited all day to watch, would rather watch him as he snored off on the couch.  I wasn't tired, how were they so tired?

And now I understand.


Today's Menu

Today I caught up with an old friend from my pre-baby job.  I missed seeing her and talking, and it was a great experience.  I met her two little guys, and they were just perfectly cute and well-behaved.  I can only hope that my little guys (or girl) will be like that...they were ridiculously handsome too!

I remember how much I missed work, but then looking at my son, I wouldn't give him up either-- so the conundrum is can you have your cake and eat it too?

Work and Baby all at once, not having either suffer and enjoying both? 

I don't think there are enough hours in one day...

On a note of what the reality is, for tonight's most awesome dinner:  omelette casserole and french toast (potentially the latter).  I have a few fresh veggies left from the Farmer's Market, so I figured what the heck.  I hope it all works out.

Things that make you think-----Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm..........


Little Man: separation anxiety; Mommy: letting it go

Poor little man has had two very bad nights--I got up both nights to comfort him and he just wouldn't stop holding on tight. 

Could this be the phenomenon of separation anxiety? 

I am thinking maybe, and this is only because when company is over, which occurred on Sunday and Monday, the basic consensus is that Mommy should stay out of the little man's line of vision, or else he wants Mommy.  And when he wants Mommy then people can't interact with him the way they want to, and if he wants me too much, I get called out [in time] for being 'possessive,' when it was my son seeking me out for comfort.

Anyway, we are super-tired and super-cranky, so imagine the really awesome frat house that my husband will be coming home to tonight.  Poor guy.

It was a very tiring three-day weekend.  My husband worked a little yesterday, and I did a lot of cleaning after company left.  It was on and off stormy too, which led to a bigger and better mess around the house. 

We're hoping next weekend is a little more pleasurable.  I've gone through the emotional ringer this weekend with regard to some interesting comments made, but I'm learning I just have to let it go...and it's sooooo hard to let some things go.

If I were on a beach with just my two favorite boys, I would be as happy as a clam!

Wish I were here...


Too Much Excitement Yesterday

Yesterday was one of those days that was just clogged with 'incidents' big and small.

My little boy decided that walking around the desk chair was fun, but he uses his mouth as a tool too, which often gets him in trouble (or makes a mess for him).  So, my poor little guy fell and hit his mouth on the chair, and there was blood. 

I felt terrible; it seems like things of this nature happen in the morning when I checking email.  Only then does he NOT want to play by himself, but all other times, when I want to play, he often would rather play along to his own drummer, which is awesome and what he is, in theory, supposed to do.

I hate when my little guy gets 'boo-boos.'

He hardly bled, thankfully.  So he napped, woke up, and drank and ate, and then we went to his friend's first birthday at the park. 

His little friend is super cute, and his Mommy is really sweet and so creative too.  (I am so jealous of her innovation!)  She did a super cute first birthday at the park, with a grab book exchange for the little ones.

Anyway, my little man and I were there maybe 20 minutes before he had a meltdown, but, it turned out, it wasn't a meltdown, but a reaction to multiple bug bites near his right eye.  His face and eye swelled up fast, and he suddenly switched from energetic and happy to crying and agitated, and then to dazed and glazed (eyes). 

Of course, I panicked and rushed him to the pediatrician (thankfully right down the road). 

It seems little man reacted to the gnats that were flying in the pavilion.  It was scary because I thought-- oh no, anaphylactic shock.  (I have serious allergies to everything, so I know about the severity of a reaction.  I carry an Epi-pen, doesn't that sound glamorous ;-)?)

We got Benadryl at the pediatrician's and had to spend the next hour there for monitoring (breathing and pulse).  He was OK once the meds started to work, and no, my boy did NOT get drowsy.

We got home, he napped as usual, and then when he woke up he drank his bottle and we made a quick trip to Babies R Us. 

I missed two phone calls in that time, both from my husband, which I noticed on the drive home.  He was not happy since he was worried.  I didn't know he would be home from work before 5:00 PM.  I felt bad.

Needless to say, I was tired at night, as was Daddy and baby boy.

Yesterday was yet another 'exciting' day in our little family. 


Pretty...Dominican Republic

Hot, Sticky, Humid

It seems that this is just 'one of those weeks' --you want to do so much, but then you step outside and it is just plain old G-R-O-S-S.  It is hot and sticky outside in North Carolina this week. 

I would think about going to the neighborhood pool, but then I re-think that thought each day, after the Hand, Foot and Mouth incident posted to the neighborhood's Yahoo group.  A 2 yo girl got the yucky ailment because our HOA didn't close the pool when its cleaning system died for a day or two, turning the water cloudy.  Yuck.

I am sure it's fixed...yes, the HOA said it was on Monday, but I still just can't bring my 10 month old there yet.  Yes, I am over-protective.  I even called my nurse-line fromo BCBS to make sure I knew all the symptoms of HFM, just in case the LO caught it.

So the weather is hot, I am bored, which, in turn, means the LO is bored.  Poor little guy, like me, needs to constantly be amused.  He likes TV, but that is a 20-some minute treat he gets maybe once a day.  (Yes, I let my child watch TV--some times the going gets rough, sue me.)

He is "napping" now-- he isn't, I know he's not, he is whining every couple minutes, but I am hoping he falls asleep. 

We're going to the Farmer's Market after his next bottle and lunch.  (This is one of the four bottles in a day where I will have to work on feeding him for 2 hours that follow the official bottle time...[I'll write about that in another post.])  We're going to get fresh veggies for the 4th, and, potentially, some good fruit.

I hope he sleeps...if not, I'm going to have a very unhappy baby in a stroller when it's already hot, humid, and sticky outside beneath the old farmer hanger in downtown Raleigh. 


Nerds are cool

My friend passed along this article from CNN.  It struck a cord as I was raised a scholastic nerd.  I never had problems dealing with it because I liked to learn and liked school and grades were so important to me.

"Jocks go on to play for your favorite team but nerds go on to own the teams those jocks play for."
--LZ Granderson

Check out the entire article:

This says it all for me today...


Change is Forever...

Life is constantly in flux, I guess.

We have changed the sunroom into a playroom for our son.  It looks great, but I do feel bad as we had to, again, move the dog's spot for sleeping.  (However, please not that she still does have three spots for sleeping/resting, we added another sleeping/resting spot in her Dad's office with the loss of her sunroom hangout.)

Our son needed a place to be safe, while not getting into some yucky stuff, like the dog food and water bowls...for some reason he has a natural affinity to these bowls--ugh, yuck, gross.

I have to move some of my stuff out of the room, i.e., some writing notebooks and papers on the very bottom shelf of a filing cabinet, but otherwise the room 'seems' childproofed and 'seems' good to be inhabited by our little explorer.

I can't believe how fast and how big he has gotten already...it's truly an awe-inspiring turn-of-events, especially since last year at this time he was just a small little fetus in utero.

So wonderous, so crazy, but, then again, this is life...


Quiet morning moments: take them when you can

I think my son is getting the hang of Saturday morning with Mommy and Daddy.  He finally has the capacity to lay in bed with us, and snuggle, giggle, and so adorably suck on his trademark two fingers.  (Note: until a couple of days ago, our son would wake up and be all beside himself, so I can only hope that this phase lasts.)

However, I think this happy is happening because the minute I hear him wake up (yes, I still use a monitor), I scramble to the bathroom, brush my teeth, wash my face, and use the potty, and then race into his room.  He doesn't have a chance to cry and mornings are a little more pleasant.

The sacrifice of getting my stuff done quick in order to get to him before Cry-fest 2011 begins is definitely worth the effort.  (And, yes, I see the selfishness of my actions, but I like this time with my two guys.)

When our son was born, I never thought quiet moments would follow--it has been a struggle with colic, reflux, constipation, and, now, teething.  I can't say one is worse than the other-- they were all pretty brutal in different ways. 

Yet, with every stepping stone, a new milestone is reached.  As a family you get through it, and you forget when the next journey begins. 

Something I just realized: don't forget to look back.  Look at where you came from and recognize how far you've all gotten and how much your family has grown individually and as a unit.  It's amazing.

I can't believe now how fast our little guy has grown.  It's awesome and sad all at once.

Is this is what they call Mommy-amnesia?


Independence is a good thing, right?

I like having my own life, and now my little family too.  Is that a bad thing?

Not sure, but it's great to know I have an awesome husband that is always here for my son and I, and he can always count on me to be his pillar of strength, support, and unconditional love. 

I love having our little boy-a product of Mommy and Daddy.

Is it bad that my life now doesn't revolve around the 'extended family?'  I feel like they think it is not acceptable that I have this life of my own. 

These thoughts are further exacerbated because I have a child, I feel.  There is that certain expectation that they try to hone in on the family, and are just not happy with the way things are right now.  It could be I live too close, I am not sure.  As a result I have a constant guilt about having my own life.

It's irritating and tiring.  I never have the weekend with just our little family, I always include the extended family in it, but it seems, like today, it is never enough.

I can't say/write too much for fear of hurting feelings or expectations-- hell, I can't even write everything I feel here because, though I would love to let it all out, it would annoy/hurt/bother people involved...yet, I feel like it is a right I earned upon reaching adulthood, and it is a right I didn't start to exert until I got married at 29, when I really did grow-up.

Not sure what to say or how to handle things?  I would love to just live my life for my family and not worry about nonsense, and deal with people as an adult, but, raised in an Italian family there seem to be some unspoken traditions of this is what you will do, and you will do it even if you do not like it.

Is that why so many people move away from there families?  Maybe to have the life and the world that they want to live? 

All I know is that when my boy grows up and A) goes to college or B) moves out and starts his life on his own, his Daddy and I are going to worry about him, of course, but we're going to start to live that past life from our younger days and travel and go out and have fun. 

Maybe it's a different mindset, I am not sure, but I feel like I am living under a microscope in a very confined box, and I don't like feeling like that as an adult.  I was looking fwd to adulthood so that I can make my own decisions, and even personal decisions (or my family decisions) seems to resonate an impact with my now extended family.

So, um, I keep asking myself, when will I gain my independence or is it something I am going to have to make myself, but step on toes to make it happen?


Dissipating patience

There's my little boy that I am Mommy to, but then there is the dog.  The latter, not by choice.

I am trying real hard, and have tried hard to be patient with our dog, but she is trying my patience.

She is allergic to Bermuda grass, that is the grass in NC that covers 90% of yards when you're a middle income family.  She licks her paws all day, like it's her job from June through October. 
We've done everything to help her, but our dog is also very spoiled and very much a "Daddy's" girl.  She doesn't listen to me, and I've been told it's because I am not nice to her.  I am not mean to her at all, I just don't shower her with affection and don't give her the run of the house, which her Daddy gave her both (attention and household reign) until I came along in 2006.  Since then she no longer frequents the second floor and she doesn't lounge on the couches, unless it is her couch. 

It's sad, but I've learned that the more attention I pay to our dog, the more needy she becomes, and that is very difficult to handle her with a baby.  So, my husband tells me to ignore her and let her be, which is very hard when all you hear day-in and day-out is "lick-lick-slurp." 

I feel bad for the dog only because she is suffering from allergies.  But then I don't feel that bad because I am deathly allergic to her, and in order to make living with her feasible I am on allergy medication 24/7/365.  And it's not just the casual, once in awhile watery, itchy eyes; runny nose and sneezing; and scratchy throat issues, but it includes a dermatitis allergy, which goes full force once she licks me or rubs against me (saliva and dander).  It is bad.  The unfortunate aspect of it all is that our son has the dermatological problem.  We get licked, and we swell up like red balloons in that area.  It's terrible, but that's the price we pay.

I can deal with this and some thousand of other issues.  I am not the easiest person to live with, I know that for a fact.  Today, though, I lost the little patience I had left. 

Every day, any time before I leave the house, I ask and recommend the dog to 'go potty.'  She rarely does, but rather jumps on her couch for her treat.  Well, no dice for the potty today.  I left at 11:20 AM to go the pool.  No worries.

Then I got home just 2 hours later (and when I worked she would hold her bladder for 10 hours straight) to find a massive pile of sh!t by the back door.  No big deal, but this is the second time she did this today.  We woke up to another massive sh!t by the kitchen table/den doorway.  Worse, she then, when I was home, stepped in it (because I brought her to the door to make her go out to go potty), and proceeded to run around the house tracking sh!t everywhere.

I had to put her outside, put my son down for a nap, and then clean up the kitchen floors and rugs since my son just started crawling and always has his fingers in his mouth after he crawls about.  I was, and still am, pissed.

Realistically, the dog is acting out because she is not getting attention, and her Daddy has now started to put his foot down with regard to her behavior.  (Even though she hasn't been listening to me for years, this is a new mode of action in becoming belligerent for Dad, and he isn't defending her defiant behavior anymore.)

I am trying to be patient.  I like the dog (to some degree), don't get me wrong, if I didn't I wouldn't worry about the chewing and biting her paws, but at the same time, she is blatantly disrespectful too, and, for that, I can't stand her.  She just can't be a normal obedient dog.  She acts consistently like a spoiled, selfish child. 

There's not much left to say...ther's no changing the situation...it is what it is until time expires.  Until then I guess I will continue to vaccum each day, pick dog hair off my clothes, take dog hair out of my son's mouth, spot clean the poop stains on the carpet, deodorize the place, and continue my medicines so that I don't blow up like a porcupine.


Work and Play...every day

I've come up with a plan of action.  Every day, no matter what, I need to blog.  I am hoping it will keep my writing clean and my mind sharp, and give me some of that connection to the outside world. 

These past ten months my resolutions have been noble, but have been shot down quickly like clay plates being tossed in the air just to be blown apart.

I started thinking I was going to blog on my life as a Mommy, but I realized I am much more dimensional than being JUST a Mommy.  I am still a member of society, something I now forget.  I realized that even though my son is my life, I also still have a life.  My son is an extension of his Daddy (my husband and a man) and me (his Mommy, a wife, and a woman).  I have to show my sweet little boy, and me, that I can function at various levels of play and work.  Not easy.

I've learned to WORK hard through life...that's easy for me.  But now I have to learn to PLAY hard too, or else you become a grumpy old person.  And according to today's society, old is over 85, so I have a long time to get to 'old' and be privileged to be grumpy on demand.  (Oh, I can't wait for that privilege--I've already had great practice for the past 30-some years.)

I am thinking how sad I am as a person that I failed to see PLAY throughout my ENTIRE life, but rather I fixated on WORK.

Now is my chance to change a little--I am going to WORK and PLAY hard.  (I should add the word TRY before PLAY given my track record.)

In essence, it's going to be a long, hard road, but hopefully rewarding for me and those around me too.


Welcome to a New Life

I always wanted to be a "Mommy"--it was a romantic preoccupation, along with being a published writer, an acclaimed editor, and a knowledgeable and renown environmental scientist.  Big dreams, big dreams.

I think being "Mommy" is one of the hardest jobs I have ever had-- seriously.  I wouldn't trade it for the world, but romanticizing about it and living it are two totally different things.

When I was a full time paid employee there were times when I just couldn't wait for my grand exit from the workforce, but then I found a great job, and leaving wasn't an option, and then, suddenly, it became the only thing I could do for my little one.  People may not believe this, but I was determined to make my little one endure daycare...and then I met him and when my 6 weeks of maternity leave were up, my heart was stolen, my world had changed, and my priorities lay in the crook of my arm and in the glance of the man sitting across the table from me...but that is jumping too far into the future of the story and of this blog.

Mommy-hood started on the day my little one was conceived sometime in the first week of December 2009...and ever since that fated uniting of sperm and egg, my world was no longer my own.

In the past 16 months life has changed quickly, and sometimes abruptly, mostly for the better, but not without some scars.

I can honestly say that until I became a Mommy, I did not truly appreciate or understand everything a mother does and continues to do, day in and day out; morning, noon, or night; every hour of every day.  It is a job 365/7/24, but the reward is amazing...from the open arms of your child, that unprecedented smile when you walk in the room, or the giggles that wake you up in the middle of the night.  I would never give it up, ever.

And so, as my journey began, now my blog begins on what is it like to live the Life of a Mommy.